Archive for June, 2013


A Hopeful Glance

Some say the hardest part is knowing that you can’t be the person you wished to be. But for me, it is the ability to look over the past and find out that you’ve been the best but everything’s changed.

I agree if everyone around me says regrets are always at the end. It is a common knowledge that humans come up without a stain of contradiction. That is why for months now I always wake up being haunted by yesterdays. Not the literal yesterday where I usually do the same things half-consciously but the days when I was someone unchangeable. These revelations don’t just visit me early in the mornings but also every time I do something and like a deja vu I feel a longing for my old self. There are times when I read articles and sayings and my constant reaction would be “T’was me before” , “I used to that” , and “How can I possibly go back?”.

But I can’t change things. It’s not the rewind that counts but the fact that I let myself be influenced by the things that made me who I am now. When I think how kind, successful, and sincere I was before I only add up the burden I’m bearing inside. All I can do is miss the things I used to do and regretfully taken for granted. It’s like leaving a small yet comfortable room to a grand spacious mansion. I used to keep up with what others are doing because I was tempted to be one of the majorities; I don’t wanna be alone. No matter how beautiful my surroundings are now, still it is so big and the silence deafens me.

I want to go back. If only I can take a few step backwards and try to carry the things I left even if it would make me the last of the parade, I would do so willingly. It shames me to know that my last chance is only to look back – a hopeful glance. Image

Flashback :)

11:45 pm

“Now, how was my day?”

I entered the chapel during my second hour in school because I haven’t had the time to go first thing since I arrived with a minute to spare before my first subject. I only got two mistakes in my assignment wherein half of one half of our class got a hundred. I perfected my assignment in my major with the help of my friends, of course. Today’s our deadline for the articles and I was lucky to have passed one…out of three.

So how was my day really? I’ve had so much to be thankful and to rejoice to. I know I can’t do such an achievement every day! It should be a must for me to be happy as to how my day went through. I learned, got good scores, and slightly beat the deadline. But why can’t I laugh? Is something not fit or lacking that I could have done a while ago…maybe I was a second too late to realize what I must do? All I know is that I can’t consider this day done without realizing how worth it today is. Maybe it’s not about failing to do something but having done the same things that I should have avoided.

As I tried hard to keep silent while processing my brain, a lot of revelation splashed like big waves in my memory. I remember laughing too loud early in the morning with my friends. Broke my own promise not to talk during class hours. Feeling insecure and anxious especially when my crush is so near I can blow him a love potion in his newly trimmed hair. Yes, I do these embarrassing things and I feel inferior and ashamed every time I realize I have crossed the boundary. What makes it worst is that these are usual things I do every day. These are the things I keep on cursing away before I go to sleep and unknowingly do them as I start my day. How ironic is it to walk far away only to realize there’s a tunnel that led to the same room. I am trapped and my mind is so desperate that I can’t think of any possible solutions to successfully become a new person.

In order to avoid getting lost twice, never go to the same route again. However, I am really dumb in reading signs because I often neglect the word “No Entry, Stupid” in the corner. It seems like I am used at the place that avoiding it makes my day incomplete! I don’t really care if I can’t bring back the twenty four hours to renew what I have done because every thing has its purpose. So how was my day? Well, it’s like yesterday and the next day.

Lost Till Found

Time does not heal wounds, it only makes them bearable. Every time I think of too many things, I lost myself. I get too high with the supposed-to-be’s and the what-if’s. In short, every time I ride home, I feel this pangs of regrets. This scenario is too cliche that I wish to start something new and far different from the thoughts that keep on entering my helpless mind. But my question is, why can’t these thoughts go away?

There is no one to blame but me. Expectations, regrets, sadness, downfalls, and disappointments are my invisible buddies. I lie to myself and to the people around me by faking my smiles and ignoring the pain every time I do so. I guess that’s life, but what’s wrong is that I can’t accept life as it is. I want more, but I learned that only wanting and imagining something won’t give you any satisfaction. I need to act and face the worst blindly. Live as if I don’t give a damn – but so far this is a very hard job. I can’t deny what I am feeling inside especially when I’m left alone to be accused by my own thoughts and guilt. The hardest part is I don’t have any shoulder to lean on, any handkerchief to wipe my tears. What I got is a hard wall to bang my head to.

Every past is a story to tell. But what if this story keeps on repeating itself? I don’t have a good story to narrate for myself because honestly everything’s too mainstream for me. I believe that if I am going to write my past and update it everyday, I’ll be creating a very boring story at that. It’s a shame.

World War Z

What’s it like to battle with the undead? Do we humans have the advantage or is it the opposite?

I had the chance to watch this awesome movie and aside from the fact that it was an unexpected opportunity, the movie itself is not what I wanted to watch at the very first place. However, these contrasts made the movie even more interesting than what the producers aimed it to be. From the fright up to desperation of the situation until the vivid message the movie has in-stored to the viewers.

I encourage you to watch World War Z and I advice you to stay focus not just on the effects and the stories but most importantly to the hidden meaning each event offers. By that, I am sure you’ll find a deeper meaning than what meets the eye.

How does it feel to walk in a street unknowing the distance you have to take in order to reach the end? Would it be better to enjoy the journey and never mind the last step or expect that something is waiting there but you just don’t know what or who?

They say the journey counts than the success. I say the success counts when the journey is worth it. When you say that how you do things is more important than the product you’ve created means that achievement can be easily disregarded in measuring how successful a person is. There should be balance everywhere, one must be counted regardless of how many points you value it, as long as it counts. We don’t do something out of nothing because naturally we ought to have accomplishments no matter how little task we finish. That’s why it is important to give value to the things that we do while we are aiming for something great. That’s life! Life demands appreciation and we can manifest it through hard work and perseverance. When we get to enjoy the little things while we are in the process of achieving something, we forget the pressure building ahead of us as we take one more step towards the heights. This mindset can help us move on easily if ever we fail in our endeavor. It shows us a different path wherein we can still use the things we learned in our journey and dream of something new.

However, if we choose to expect the things which could be waiting for us, we are in a complete reverse of thought in the previous paragraph. We give priority first to the future than the current state we have. This gives us better chances to adjust what we ought to do with our present in order to stay in the right path. Especially when we stick to the positive expectations rather than the opposite. With this drive and determination, we might feel the pressure but we can be able to fight through it. The thought of failing cannot get in because we are busy with building the right foundation every single day.

So, between the two choices? Which mindset or technique do you feel comfortable? There is a horizon waiting for us, the question is… will you let it remain as straight line in your curious sight or start walking and discover the treasure that awaits?

 

A/N : Everything is based on my observation and it is my free opinion about life. So if there are any thing you disagree there, feel free to comment and let’s discuss it together. God bless 🙂

Three In One

June 5, 2013 – First day of my second year in college. As expected, students spent the day touring around the campus and not to mention…sightseeing of new faces!

As for me, well, I spent the “day” quiet differently. I have organized it and made three sections during my first day. And these are :

Regular – Of course, as what everyone must, I entered each subjects [though teachers weren’t still present] and I was with my three talkative and anti-boredom dudes!

Duty not on Duty – Weird title, eh? I am also a campus journalist in our university and I spent my afternoon in the office [honestly, I was doing nothing more than thinking any comfortable position for me to sleep because I was so sleepy -_-].

Final Say – My high school family and some friends went to console our TVE teacher because her husband died. Sir ****** was so close to us also that’s why we were there and attended a mass for his soul. Rest in peace Sir.

 

A/N : No pictures. Never had the chance to provide for visual evidences to say that this is a good day for me. 🙂

 

LIFE in its IRONY

You can be happy
          – but not always
There are times when you’re so sad
          – it seems to last forever
Remembering the times when you fake a smile?
          – you lied just to make everything fine
You tend to say “thank you”
          – when you meant to ask for more
Yet we say sorry
          – still deep inside you want to curse
To know you cried for the unexpected reasons
          – yet, you feel the pain fades
You do things out of of nothing
          – and these things made you who you are to others today
Sometimes, you overlooked something you thought in a snap
          – then you wake up having that exact thing, instead
How incredibly you take things for granted
          – when they are the obvious blessings you’ve always wanted
And it’s funny when you wished for something
          – when you’ve already got hold of it once
But you let it go…

 

A/N : This is from my facebook account and I think it’s a good idea if I can share it to you since I have so many followers who [I think] want to read some of my own articles 🙂 To those who gave comments to some of my blogs, thank you so much. I’m still new and obviously I’m suiting myself to the FREE offers here in WordPress. God bless. Like this post if you like the blog. Thank you 🙂