Time does not heal wounds, it only makes them bearable. Every time I think of too many things, I lost myself. I get too high with the supposed-to-be’s and the what-if’s. In short, every time I ride home, I feel this pangs of regrets. This scenario is too cliche that I wish to start something new and far different from the thoughts that keep on entering my helpless mind. But my question is, why can’t these thoughts go away?

There is no one to blame but me. Expectations, regrets, sadness, downfalls, and disappointments are my invisible buddies. I lie to myself and to the people around me by faking my smiles and ignoring the pain every time I do so. I guess that’s life, but what’s wrong is that I can’t accept life as it is. I want more, but I learned that only wanting and imagining something won’t give you any satisfaction. I need to act and face the worst blindly. Live as if I don’t give a damn – but so far this is a very hard job. I can’t deny what I am feeling inside especially when I’m left alone to be accused by my own thoughts and guilt. The hardest part is I don’t have any shoulder to lean on, any handkerchief to wipe my tears. What I got is a hard wall to bang my head to.

Every past is a story to tell. But what if this story keeps on repeating itself? I don’t have a good story to narrate for myself because honestly everything’s too mainstream for me. I believe that if I am going to write my past and update it everyday, I’ll be creating a very boring story at that. It’s a shame.

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