Some say the hardest part is knowing that you can’t be the person you wished to be. But for me, it is the ability to look over the past and find out that you’ve been the best but everything’s changed.

I agree if everyone around me says regrets are always at the end. It is a common knowledge that humans come up without a stain of contradiction. That is why for months now I always wake up being haunted by yesterdays. Not the literal yesterday where I usually do the same things half-consciously but the days when I was someone unchangeable. These revelations don’t just visit me early in the mornings but also every time I do something and like a deja vu I feel a longing for my old self. There are times when I read articles and sayings and my constant reaction would be “T’was me before” , “I used to that” , and “How can I possibly go back?”.

But I can’t change things. It’s not the rewind that counts but the fact that I let myself be influenced by the things that made me who I am now. When I think how kind, successful, and sincere I was before I only add up the burden I’m bearing inside. All I can do is miss the things I used to do and regretfully taken for granted. It’s like leaving a small yet comfortable room to a grand spacious mansion. I used to keep up with what others are doing because I was tempted to be one of the majorities; I don’t wanna be alone. No matter how beautiful my surroundings are now, still it is so big and the silence deafens me.

I want to go back. If only I can take a few step backwards and try to carry the things I left even if it would make me the last of the parade, I would do so willingly. It shames me to know that my last chance is only to look back – a hopeful glance. Image