To Whom It May Concern

Sometimes we say that other people’s dramas are very silly until we experience them ourselves. Indeed, experience will teach you the best lessons in life and it is true that its effect on you is immeasurable – it can change a character. You wouldn’t pay a penny for it to educate you on things that you need to learn most. It comes for free if you take it financially but it’s the attitude and emotion that you’ll be putting at risk. So here’s a hint: I’m going to share my life’s drama and you will be reading a series of heartaches and queries that you might think would be silly for today. But remember that just like what you’re thinking at this moment, I thought the same thing before.

“When will I learn…”

I kept on asking myself that question that my brain is abusing me too much cause even when I’m busy talking or when I’m dodging cars in crossing the street – it’s always ringing in my head. But the thing is that I don’t know what I mean every time I ask myself such question. It can mean a lot of things and what immediately goes inside my head are the problems that keep on bothering me at night… health, college, boyfriend and friends. But to be specific, I can actually change these broad problems into: bad diet, difficult exams, pride and envy, respectively. That’s my life and as for now its how it’s going to be for the next few months I think. I keep on making problems and worry about them the entire day but I guess that without this habit my life would be boring. Maybe it’s how God says to me that he still cares because every time I think about problems I get to hope that He will be there telling me that it’s all part of His plans. Then all of a sudden, everything feels fine to me.

I can bear the fears and aches… for a while. I can forget about the exact things that piss me off for an hour or so. I got to have a time to be free and happy or pretend that I’m not at the end of my confidence level to move on with life. My dad taught me how to get the best out of everything and every day I am trying and every time I try, I realize that I can’t be that person who makes the best out of what she’s given. I hate it but there’s something missing in my life. A hole that needs to be mended and it’s been there for a while that I got used on the pain it inflicts on me. I got numb and I lost track.

My mother was brave when she labored me at her teenage years. I was always amazed at how strong she were when she brought me out to this world that I believed that she also delivered a healthy and strong daughter with her. Well, I guess the strength she was supposed to give me remained in her womb and may have been passed to my other siblings (lucky for them). I am weak and I envy those who can face their problems. I can be the best sometimes but when it’s time for my sail to encounter the storm – I don’t know how to fight. It’s always one of my wishes that someday I can be like the other people I knew who remained firm even though they are on the edge. If I were on a cliff, I would’ve jump out of fear by then.

But maybe I wasn’t so weak after all. I get to learn important values from my own observations and experiences. One thing is that life is naturally unfair and it’s when it’s being unfair to you that it’s actually being fair. I may not be strong but I believe that even the strong people can change the nature of life because we’re made to play the role we were born to be. Just like what Shakespeare said that life is but a big stage and we are the actors of our own drama.

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