Succeeding and Failing

Life’s a cycle. The start of pursuing something is always the best part but it just happens momentarily and so long ago that we tend to forget the excitement of creating something new and we claim that the end is where we measure the success of our pursuit.

Will there still be success if the end doesn’t go as how we expected it to be?

Yes. Simply because in the process of achieving something, we’ve done extraordinary things. By extraordinary, I meant doing the things that you don’t usually do and most of all, you do it because of a goal that you wish to have at the end. Doing with a purpose is what drives people to believe that there is success for without it, we would be stagnant and useless. Every decision, every move and every failure we’ve been through are all part of the journey and therefore, we’ve already achieved something even if what we really want isn’t what’s waiting for us ahead. Success isn’t something positive, it’s not something that the doer can judge for himself; sometimes we have to let others play in our lives by showing us the heroes in us. Some people experienced the dark side of life before receiving the better side of it and some have the reverse of it but it doesn’t mean that the former is luckier than the latter. We are all lucky and the things that others are experiencing right now, we will experience it later on. They too shall be in our shoes someday. But it doesn’t give us the permission to judge whether they’ve done better or worst; or have they succeed or failed just because they haven’t done what we did when we were in the situation.

And there shall always be success because life, my friend, is mysterious. It has no beginning and will have no end. That’s why there’ll never be an accurate basis on how successful one is. Your mortal goals are just a part of one big picture and you may never know what’s been prepared for you. So live your life and do something with a purpose. And if ever you end up with or without that goal, start pursuing for something new. Don’t ponder too deep and just live.

You already are successful even before you think about failures.  

Love Doesn’t Knock for Permission

Love Doesn’t Knock for Permission

It started out with a spark. He looked at me and those dark eyes pierced a hollow part in my heart. I didn’t even know that black hole exists, he made me realize how hurt I was and how his stare can bandage the pains. He made me see from the blindness that long covered my sight, made me feel important, and made me fell even worst. He knows just how much I waited for that feeling to devour my poor soul again.

Not one day, but in an unexplainable one moment he treat me a precious gem. Well, he may not intend it to be that sweet but I’d like the idea of importance … or even more intimate than that. He said words that for him would just be an ordinary group of words, but he left me breathless at that.

“Where would you wanna go?” he asked me while we’re walking along a narrow road with my friends on our way home.

My house was located at the far north of our current location, his was on the south. Two far beings and I am a fool to even wish that we can ride together.

I should’ve answered “On my house, of course,” or I could’ve asked him why he asked such question. Doesn’t he know that he just asked me a tempting one?

“I’m hungry. Where would you wanna eat?”

At times like this (when you just can’t find the right words and you ran out of ends to keep the conversation alive), it’s better to ask back.

“Anywhere. You decide,” he smiled. I repeat, he smiled.

I expected him to answer that way and you should know that I don’t have the right amount of time to even formulate another twist of this chitchat.

Unfortunately, we arrived at the end of the small road and stopped just on the side where were safe from fast running cars. Half of our group crossed to other side of the road where cars to the south pass by. I was expecting him to cross too but he just stood there, along with two other friends.

He repeated the question and I repeated mine again. We stayed that way until I decided to stop being so pushy and said a specific place which he also approved.

To make the long story short, we arrived at the mall. It was yet so early to eat dinner so we went to a place where live band was playing.

At first, I was enjoying the music. All the while I was humming to the tune hoping that I can reach the high parts of the song. In that instance I forgot that he was beside me. I would’ve been thankful if I just stayed like that, oblivious. However, fate decreed that I should open my eyes to know that he’s there sharing this solemn moment with me.

We started talking about random things while looking at the beautiful and handsome vocalist. We laughed at how emotionless the guitarist’s face was and that the base guitarist at the other side looks like one of our batch mate’s face. He showed me how to learn the basics of drumming with his cool gestures. I find myself smiling and unconsciously pinning my eyes on his face.

Girl, I’ve been searching so long in this world

Trying to find someone

Who could be what my picture of love was to me

Then you came along

The male vocalist sang the first part of the song. I was struck by the timing of the music to the sweetness I felt right at that moment. He caught me, I guess I looked away and tried to act like I was singing the whole part. Surprisingly, I guessed the lyrics right.

I’ve been waiting for you

All my life

For somebody who

Makes me feel the way I feel when I’m with you, baby

Have you been waiting too?

Cause I’ve been waiting for you                                     

No words left to say, and I don’t have to say anything. I just want that moment to stay still like a pause in my favorite part of a movie. For that one instant, I felt everything was centered at us: the music, the place, and the two of us smiling while I was happily cherishing the moment. Love, at its cruelest way, did not ask for any permission to invade my heart and soul. But, I am thankful.

If only culture can consider a girl decent if she asks a man he loves about starting a relationship together, I would’ve done so. However, good girl as I am, I should stop dreaming and shoo the fluffy hearts away.

How I wish I was able to sing to him this part, cause judgments aside, I will surely do so:

Have you been waiting too?

Cause I’ve been waiting for you J